This post has been cultivating for awhile now. I have been noticing signs lately, not just the ones on billboards or bus stops, but ones that we send as people send - appearance, ways we describe ourselves, the company we keep, the way we act publicly, how we treat others. People read as much as they want or derive as little as they want from all of those signs. It is our job to be careful about what messages we send.
Let's start with tattoos. Freedom of expression - blah, blah, blah. No, it's not. I have tattoos, several of them and plan on getting more. I am proud of the artwork on my body and I think it is beautiful. Here's the thing, I didn't get my 'ink' for everybody else to notice. I got it for me. You won't find me wearing clothing specifically to show off my tattoos, standing with my body strategically placed to show them off or defining myself by as a tattooed person. That is like saying you are a pair of pants that you wear. I like my jeans, but I am not my jeans. It is a pretty desperate cry for attention if someone is always pushing their tattoos at you. Is that really the most interesting thing about you, someone else's artwork? Surely there is more than that to offer about yourself. Whether or not any of us with tattoos like it, we are judged by them. Appearance matters. People who are renting to you, selling goods, potential employers and even strangers will not judge you on your full merit if you choose to put your tattoos at the forefront of your appearance.
Divas *eyeroll* Grown women calling themselves divas or naming their business with diva in it? This word was supposed to be a reference to a talented singer. It has turned into a pejorative of broad horizons now. Often it means a woman who is unyielding on her stance on even the smallest of instances, one who belittles others, throws tantrums and fits if she doesn't get her way, selfish, spoiled, dramatic and acts like an overgrown brat - essentially a bitch on wheels. Why on earth would anyone want to refer to themselves as something with such a negative connotation, especially with a business?! That doesn't sound like anyone I would be interested in buying a product or service from. The terms you use to define yourself should be chosen carefully. What could be considered as witty or trendy by one person, may be considered crass and flighty to another.
This whole post is about the signals we send to others. A major part of that is who you align yourself with or the company you keep. You can either be brought up to their level or down to their level. Your trajectory is ultimately your choice. Acquaintances aside, this is about the people you are friends with, those you associate with. The saying is 'birds of a feather flock together'. I didn't want to believe it when I was younger, but the older/wiser me sees the merit in the adage. If you are ashamed of the actions of someone in your group, there is a reason for that - it is not in line with your views, beliefs or morals. Frankly, you aren't going to see me hanging out with a bunch of stanky hippies that believe the 99% is right and that it is ok to waste your time getting high, drunk or f*cked up because 'it broadens your horizons'. Like wise, you won't find me rubbing elbows with some bible-beating right wing extremists that are ready to club the next baby seal they see.
I recently told a friend that I could no longer be a friend to them because I didn't want to be associated with the style of life she lives and the drama that she chooses to keep in it. It didn't feel good at all, kind of hurt like hell. I didn't want to watch her hurt herself anymore and didn't want to be someone identified as 'part of the problem'. Here is the truth about it though, our lives could not be more different. I don't go out and drink, I don't seek out approval from others, I am not out being promiscuous and I don't have a pill addiction. I am not saying that is all she is, but I am saying that there are plenty of people that identify her that way and she has pigeon holed herself there. Negativity sticks to us. It takes an awful lot to overcome what we have put out in our past. Unless there is concerted effort to change it, it will remain. I have done enough defamation to my own character in the past to try to overcome anyone else's. What really made me think about it was my future MIL asking me about a girl that was close to my age and referred to her as 'my friend'. I quipped 'oh, that's not my friend - I just know her name'. I was pretty quick to dismiss someone I thought of as unsavory. That told me right then and there it was high time to disassociate myself with the forms of negativity that I could. I am trying to live up to being positive and changing my life for the better, so don't bring me down.
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