Pain, we have all experienced it in our lives whether that pain be emotional or physical. Everyone of us knows what it is like to hurt. Nice to have some common ground, huh?
Pain is our natural defense against something that is dangerous. Danger, Will Robbins, Danger! I also like to call it the inherent 'oh shit' response. Have you ever set your hand on something that is hot? Our natural instinct is to recoil that hand from the source of the pain, which would be the heat. Pretty spiffy auto protective measure. Pain can also provide us some growth and strength. How do we decipher whether that pain will help us or hurt us? Tricky deal. It is a matter of if the benefit outweighs the cost.
I am in physical pain tonight. We helped a friend ready his kitchen (kind of a restaurant thing and it's a secret location - not telling) by scrubbing walls and vent hoods. My arthritic hands are positively on fire right now. My joints ache and my skin burns. I can tell you without a doubt that the benefit outweighs the cost. My temporary physical pain helped a friend get one step closer to his dream. The emotional gain from that will be more lasting than a day or so of sore hands. Physical pain has a funny way of not totally kicking in right away, thank you adrenaline for saving me from wussing out. Physical pain is an easy an obvious pain to address. It usually goes away shortly.
Emotional pain. There are a couple of forms of this, self-inflicted and that from an outside source. Emotional pain from an outside source is the more simple of the two for most people to figure out. Ex: that person is a real jerk and treats me like crap. The answer is obvious there, right? Um, not always. We seem to be predisposed to a high tolerance of stupid bullshit for some reason. Major design flaw in the human psyche. There is also the outside source of tragedy. Tragedy is losing someone to death, terrible accidents, etc. Tragedy really shouldn't be applied to what is self inflicted, that is called stupidity. While tragic pain can be sudden and swift, we are normally better equipped to deal with that.
While I usually have a lot of physical pain, emotional pain is not as prevalent for me as it once used to be. The vast majority of my emotional pain isn't even about me. That is called self-pity *barf* That is a really wretched quality to have. I am not saying I never have, but more that I have learned how dangerous and damaging it can be. I burned myself a few times with that one. Self-pity is most commonly referred to as depression. Some of you reading this may want to stop reading right now, the realism here is going to be a big blow. Depression is feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes people don't know why they feel sorry for themselves, but they excuse it and become accustomed to it. It is a vicious cycle of negativity. You tell yourself you can't, it is too much, then my favorite 'I just can't deal with it'. Back it up there, drama downer, you just assigned yourself a free pass to treat yourself like crap. If you are too busy filling your thoughts with how you can't then you definitely aren't trying to find a way to 'can'. It is self-defeating. Why would any of us want to defeat ourselves? We all have our own fake reasons and false justifications to stay right there in that pain that is so familiar. I am sick of seeing 'FML' and 'Why me?' Try some responsibility, it's an uncomfortable feeling. Maybe you fucked your own life and maybe you did something to bring it on yourself. If you can say in clear conscience that you did not, great, if you own some of it, do something about it.
My emotional pain stems mainly from helping others. In a way this makes it a bit of a self inflicted type. It is still about whether the benefit outweighs the cost. People rely on me quite a bit. Many people tell me their problems and ask for advice. Thank you. That is a heartfelt thank you. Thank you for trusting me and for valuing my opinion. I have to say, that feels amazing! Please do not take what I am about to say as that any of it is not welcome. This is a confession about my personal pain. I read people, really well. It's second nature to understand their emotions and relate to their situations. Lately I have had some trouble defining what belongs to me and what belongs to someone else. AKA empathy. It is normal to want to turn to someone, want someone to listen, want someone 'to get it'. Unfortunately, I get it - way too clear. Then I have to try to separate what emotions are mine and what belongs to someone else. It might sound a little silly, but I take too much responsibility sometimes. I am going to have to trust and share with others the way they do with me, just to relieve some it. Wish me luck, I am going to try to jump from the fire and not land smack dab in the middle of the frying pan.
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