Exemplary Truth

Truth, I like it a really lot. I am so focused on the truth that sometimes I forget how easy it is to live outside of it.

I haven't set out to be an example or inspiration of how to be. I have faltered along the way and made some pretty terrible decisions, did things that were wrong or hurtful, I have lied, shucked my responsibility, ignored others wants and needs. None of that sounds like a person to emulate and I definitely wasn't. My attitude and my life started changing significantly about 3 years ago. Things don't change immediately and simultaneously, for me it was small increments that compiled into the me I am now. A me that I am pretty happy about, a me that is doing the best I can, a me that is someone other's find worth in - those are pretty important.

There were two conversations with two different men that really launched me head-first back into this topic again. They deserve the accolade of being called men. Neither one are boys, I find it pretty detestable to call grown men boys and offensive. It makes you and them look immature and childish *end rant* These two men play different roles in my life and I am thankful for both of them.

The first conversation was with a friend, a fellow person of change and a politician. He was an unexpected friend, we were pretty much acquaintances and traveled in some of the same circles, went to the same high school, etc. He started his major change came a couple of years ago (it's his story to tell so I won't even bother trying to relay it) Suffice it to say, he has come a long ways personally and is thankful for the people who helped facilitate it. He seems pretty proud of his personal advancement, he sure isn't alone there. Many of us have watched him change into who he is now and seeing him come into the person he can be is an inspiration. He has some great help too - a daughter that he loves, a woman that supports him and is the best fit possible for him, family that sticks by him and a broad group of friends and believers. The most important person believing in him is him though - that's a tough one folks, believing in yourself. During the course of the conversation this writey/thinky thing I do here was brought up. He says my truth has made four other people take a long hard look in the mirror and put into words their own truth. Let me say, that is some kind of compliment. What makes it more complimentary was that I value his opinion.

The second conversation was with my fiance'. It's not even a conversation so much as a constant dialogue. What can I say about him without sounding like I am gushing? Aw, hell with it, this is about truth. I am not afraid to let any of you know how taken with this man I am. He is also a fellow person of change, has overcome such a great amount of tragedy, triumphed over personal demons, excelled where others would have failed, has amazingly hawt rugged good looks. (Is it obvious I am completely smitten with this man?) He has accomplished quietly. Now he is accomplishing and changing quietly and consistently. Over the past couple of years I have watched him evolve into who he is now. He is calmer, his emotions aren't running him, he is (dare I say it? dare, dare!) happy. Getting to a point where you can be happy is monumental. He has let go of a lot of the self-doubt - not all, but a lot. He has found his own voice, which is remarkable. He doesn't get bossed around at home (except the time I made him go to Urgent Care for having asthma attacks), I never dictate to him and all decisions are made mutually. If he has an opinion, he gives it freely, knowing that it will be taken into consideration. He has given me that in return and I could express my gratitude for that. Finding truth and being able to express that truth has changed his life. As we talked last night, he thanked me for that, for being adamant about truth and honesty. That is the ultimate compliment. The person you love, hell are enamored with, thanking you for helping them change their life. I've got to tell you all that I was stunned.

Why does truth affect others so much? Being transparent seems like my nature at this point. I have been thanked by people for 'being brave' enough to say things just as they are. That makes me a little sad. Truth and bravery aren't symbiotic. Bravery is doing something extraordinary that takes great amounts of courage. Why should any of us be frightened of truth? Truth is not something we should feel like we have to stand up to. It is something to stand up for. If you are ashamed of something or have to hide it, don't do it. If it feels like it is wrong, it is. We talked last night of the motives that people have to lie. The most obvious is that people lie to cover up parts of their life or personality that are less than desirable. We also talked about the motives to tell the truth and be honest. While I can't speak for anyone else, I can tell you what mine is without a doubt. It's pretty simple, prepare to be less than impressed...I want to not feel like a complete asshole at the end of the day. I don't want to waste my time and energy forging a river of deceit (Mad Season reference for all those who don't know, awesome song - listen to it). I want to spend my time knowing that I did what I could instead of sitting on the sidelines yelling at the other players. It's a matter of being responsible. *eyeroll* there's that damn message about personal responsibility again...I help because I would want others to do the same.

While everyone won't see eye to eye with me, I know that the reaction I get to this transparency has been nothing short of miraculous. Just the mere thought that I have had a positive impact on people that I admire so much is enough to keep me walking this path. Here's to another day of not being an asshole.