Dammit, I can't think of some odd topical reference for the title today. It's been one of those days. By the end of today I am sure I will be telling others 'can't brain today'.
The whole recent job revelation and some personal stuff has had me doing that thinky thing that I am so fond of. We have discussed who and how some of the future wealth is going to be distributed. There are things we like to agree on (ok, we don't have much disagreement at all - this is not a contentious relationship) money happens to be one of those areas. We plan on being philanthropic with my business success, why shouldn't we? Greed is such a nasty and putrid trait, not something that either of us plan on participating in. Sure we are going to make certain that our lives are comfortable, but more importantly that means the lives of our children get to be comfortable as well. How amazing is that to be able to say?! It is pretty amazing that we will have a great opportunity like this and that we have time to get prepared for it.
When I am bringing down the 6-7 figures a year (within this decade) that means some wealth spreading to others. The fiance gets to finish up his degree, education is important and we want to display that to our children. He will need it to keep track of all we are going to be doing as well. How about other people in our lives, the ones not in our immediate household, you ponder. Here is where it gets a little dicey. I am thinking I use it for betterment. A donation to the hometown for some needed revival, some to the side of town where we reside to invest in our own community, helping friends grow their businesses and be successful too, providing opportunities for family members. All of those are really exciting propositions. I am struggling a bit with the other part - those who we have chosen to no longer be with.
If any of you know us, you know the stark difference in the relationships with our exes. My ex has made some great strides in bettering himself and making life easier for our children. We communicate almost daily about concerns, events, basically anything to do with children and even things that just affect us personally (after all, anything that affects us does our kids as well) Chad and I are at a point where we are downright friendly with my ex. May I include you in on some honesty? Never and I mean NEVER did I imagine that would be the case. I am rather proud to say how hard all of us have worked to get to this point. It takes a lot of maturity and understanding to be here. This isn't me patting myself on the back, because it takes all three of us to get along like that. It is pretty wonderful that we are so cohesive now, right down to my ex MIL emailing me, texting me and calling me wanting to make plans with us and her future additional grandchild. I am positively blown away how this positive attitude and concern for the children is damn near infectious.
The fiance's ex is all together a different story. I am not going to bash, because it's pretty fucking childish when people do that, but let's just say the communication couldn't be more difficult. We can't even have a civilized conversation because she won't allow it. By that I mean she won't even talk to us in person, at all. It's unfortunate, sad and disrespectful for the child involved there that she is forced into feeling the friction and being put in the middle instead of seeing a good example of how adults can get along for the betterment of the children. All we can do is hope that it changes.
Here is my question...Do I reward the behavior that is being put forth here? At this point (not that I could comprehend that changing) my answer is unequivocally yes. It's this good gets good theory I am working on. We have been given a wealth of compatibility for the sake of the children. We have also been given the antithesis. When the time comes we are going to work with those and for those that work for and with us. Together we decided that we will financially assist one of them and probably be forced into using our finances to not for assistance, but for protection against another. That is pretty heartbreaking. We are going to be denied an opportunity to help someone because they do not want to help themself. I get it, not everyone wants to get along, but I am damn sure not about to reward someone for being about as downright belligerent and uncooperative as possible.
I have rejected offers from the boss to give us the means to protect ourselves now. Just because you have an arsenal doesn't mean you deploy it and expect for peace to happen. How long do I wait to drop the bomb? I really worry about the destruction that would lay at my feet if I sought out to strike someone else down, even if they are trying to do it in my life. Where do I spread the wealth and where do I protect myself? More importantly, when do I? It's pretty unclear sometimes what is right and what is wrong when it comes to wealth. Guess we can't have it all, but I am that eternal optimist who is going to try to keep making it better before I resort to making it worse. Hopefully we will all be celebrating together and be able to claim my success for all of us, then again maybe I am just wishing for Utopia.
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