Bobble Head Syndrome

Do you ever wonder how people can possibly manage to believe their own lies? Sure, there is a bit of inspiration to this entry, but that is just going to be my little secret. Intrigued yet? Yeah, me either. Sometimes I just sit here shaking my head and rolling my eyes. (hence the title)

Lying is an action that every single one of us has participated in. For all of the honesty that I like, there I times I do it too. Do I want to tell my emotional son that his favorite pet has died? Absolutely not! So I tell him the cat is at the vet - that is a lie and I said it. Do I believe that lie myself? Nope. Do I try to make the general public believe that? Um no. That is an individual focused lie. There is one person that I am concealing the truth from. Everyone out there who has children tells them lies, ex: Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, the moral majority is moral, etc.

I am a big proponent of truth in almost all areas of life, especially when it comes to matters of self presentation and in relation to other adults. There are a few reasons for this and I am about to break it down for you. (in my head MC Hammer is dancing and 'breaking it down' right now) Lying will only fool people for so long, then you just end up looking like a fraud. Try getting someone to believe anything you say after you have cried wolf enough times. Lying offends others. Pretty short sentence there huh? That's because it SHOULD be obvious enough, sadly it is not. When you lie to someone else that gives them the feeling that you think they are stupid. No one likes feeling played, that is using people. Lying is a band-aid. Lies cover up a wound with a thin veil that is sticky. Sure, nobody sees that oozing, puss-filled and bloody mess for awhile, but it can't heal covered up like that either. If there is a need to lie and cover things up then there is a problem.

Lies as a cover-up to a problem are the most common. Once again, I am not saying I am innocent here. I lied at one point in my life to cover things up that were wrong. The beautiful part is that I have corrected the wrongs in my life and have amended the problems (also see 'learned my lesson'). If you are lying to yourself and others about a problem then you are doing nothing about it, even worse, you are preventing it from getting better. We have the feelings of guilt and shame for a reason. I have felt guilty and ashamed for things in my life. Each and every time was because I was doing something I shouldn't have been. I have reached a point of growth, maturity and stability in my life that deems I no longer need or want to lie to other people. There isn't shame in my life, I am doing things the right way and treating others as best as I can. Do I always want to do the right thing? Hell no - it means I miss out on a lot of stuff that is self-serving. It also means at the end of the day I don't have much stress and worry about covering my ass.

Most people that I come in contact with feel completely free to give me total honesty. At times, this level of honesty can be shocking. People reveal their truth to me, because I am truthful with them. It is a reciprocation of trust and honesty, which I value greatly. I trust that others are able to handle the truth from me (A Few Good Men clip of Jack Nicholson yelling, 'You can't handle the truth!' Now streaming in digital memory) because it's a matter of respect. That doesn't mean I walk up to random strangers on the street and proclaim to them how awful I feel about leaving my bedroom window open when I was 13 in the winter to air it out after a chimney fire and it getting so cold in there that my pet rat 454 died. It means being genuine with people and not faking that my life is perfect. I don't have to put on my fake smile and greet everyone with sunshine and roses - those people are annoying assholes. I don't hide or lie about things in my life and it makes me more relatable and trustworthy.

Today was a big compliment to me in this area. There is someone in my life who is struggling damn hard with an addiction and personality issue. I am not about to tell you who or give any clues for it is not my business to share or anyone else's to know. What I can say is that they felt comfortable coming to me and discussing it, being open and honest about how it is affecting their life and leaning on me for support and encouragement as they try to better themselves. That's the hard part about lying folks. Sooner or later you have to own up to your lies and mistakes. Not everyone is going to be forgiving and understanding about it. Being forthcoming is a grand and endearing quality. Living a life that is free from clandestine is quite liberating. Til next time, readers...be you, be genuine and own it.