Everyone has heard the extremely overplayed Adele song. Seeing as I have heard it at least 40 times this week without ever putting my CD in, I thought I would write a little bit about a line that really struck me.
'Just cuz I said it, don't mean that I meant it.' That's the one. Doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense, does it? Why would someone say things they don't mean? Are they confused? Have they not thought about the consequences? Are they just being impulsive and rash, saying the first thing that pops into their addled brains? Do they completely lack self-control? Perhaps they are just into playing stupid games and running around acting juvenile or they are just flat out fools with nothing truly better to do with their time.
It is usually a conglomeration of all of the questions posed. Confused idiots, spouting off at the mouth about things they know nothing about and have thought relatively little about how it will affect them or others in the long run. When people say things they don't mean or ask for things they don't want, it takes away validity of their words. People begin to treat them dismissively, because after all, they really aren't sure of what they want anyway. These people are usually guilty of having a lack of follow through...essentially, not someone to trust.
Having true conviction isn't easy. Being self-assured isn't a trait everyone has. All too often it is because these people are aware on at least a sub-conscious level of their inability to thoroughly process something before saying it. That nature of blurting out something in an 'I want it it now!' fashion of an insolent toddler rarely leads to good decision making. Often it will begat disappointment, self-doubt, confusion, rash choices and in some people a bit of rage. Finding out what you said you wanted isn't going according to plan sends some of these people into a full on tantrum.
Instead of making demands and expecting instant gratifiacation, take a moment to breathe before stating or asking for your wants. Consider the options and weigh the possible end results. Their is an inherent risk in saying you want something or asking for something. You must be fully prepared for all possibilities before entering the realm of conviction. If you aren't, I will gladly pass you the syrup for yet another sticky situation you have gotten yourself into. Congratulations...you are a waffler.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Sweet, Sweet Pain
Pain, we have all experienced it in our lives whether that pain be emotional or physical. Everyone of us knows what it is like to hurt. Nice to have some common ground, huh?
Pain is our natural defense against something that is dangerous. Danger, Will Robbins, Danger! I also like to call it the inherent 'oh shit' response. Have you ever set your hand on something that is hot? Our natural instinct is to recoil that hand from the source of the pain, which would be the heat. Pretty spiffy auto protective measure. Pain can also provide us some growth and strength. How do we decipher whether that pain will help us or hurt us? Tricky deal. It is a matter of if the benefit outweighs the cost.
I am in physical pain tonight. We helped a friend ready his kitchen (kind of a restaurant thing and it's a secret location - not telling) by scrubbing walls and vent hoods. My arthritic hands are positively on fire right now. My joints ache and my skin burns. I can tell you without a doubt that the benefit outweighs the cost. My temporary physical pain helped a friend get one step closer to his dream. The emotional gain from that will be more lasting than a day or so of sore hands. Physical pain has a funny way of not totally kicking in right away, thank you adrenaline for saving me from wussing out. Physical pain is an easy an obvious pain to address. It usually goes away shortly.
Emotional pain. There are a couple of forms of this, self-inflicted and that from an outside source. Emotional pain from an outside source is the more simple of the two for most people to figure out. Ex: that person is a real jerk and treats me like crap. The answer is obvious there, right? Um, not always. We seem to be predisposed to a high tolerance of stupid bullshit for some reason. Major design flaw in the human psyche. There is also the outside source of tragedy. Tragedy is losing someone to death, terrible accidents, etc. Tragedy really shouldn't be applied to what is self inflicted, that is called stupidity. While tragic pain can be sudden and swift, we are normally better equipped to deal with that.
While I usually have a lot of physical pain, emotional pain is not as prevalent for me as it once used to be. The vast majority of my emotional pain isn't even about me. That is called self-pity *barf* That is a really wretched quality to have. I am not saying I never have, but more that I have learned how dangerous and damaging it can be. I burned myself a few times with that one. Self-pity is most commonly referred to as depression. Some of you reading this may want to stop reading right now, the realism here is going to be a big blow. Depression is feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes people don't know why they feel sorry for themselves, but they excuse it and become accustomed to it. It is a vicious cycle of negativity. You tell yourself you can't, it is too much, then my favorite 'I just can't deal with it'. Back it up there, drama downer, you just assigned yourself a free pass to treat yourself like crap. If you are too busy filling your thoughts with how you can't then you definitely aren't trying to find a way to 'can'. It is self-defeating. Why would any of us want to defeat ourselves? We all have our own fake reasons and false justifications to stay right there in that pain that is so familiar. I am sick of seeing 'FML' and 'Why me?' Try some responsibility, it's an uncomfortable feeling. Maybe you fucked your own life and maybe you did something to bring it on yourself. If you can say in clear conscience that you did not, great, if you own some of it, do something about it.
My emotional pain stems mainly from helping others. In a way this makes it a bit of a self inflicted type. It is still about whether the benefit outweighs the cost. People rely on me quite a bit. Many people tell me their problems and ask for advice. Thank you. That is a heartfelt thank you. Thank you for trusting me and for valuing my opinion. I have to say, that feels amazing! Please do not take what I am about to say as that any of it is not welcome. This is a confession about my personal pain. I read people, really well. It's second nature to understand their emotions and relate to their situations. Lately I have had some trouble defining what belongs to me and what belongs to someone else. AKA empathy. It is normal to want to turn to someone, want someone to listen, want someone 'to get it'. Unfortunately, I get it - way too clear. Then I have to try to separate what emotions are mine and what belongs to someone else. It might sound a little silly, but I take too much responsibility sometimes. I am going to have to trust and share with others the way they do with me, just to relieve some it. Wish me luck, I am going to try to jump from the fire and not land smack dab in the middle of the frying pan.
Pain is our natural defense against something that is dangerous. Danger, Will Robbins, Danger! I also like to call it the inherent 'oh shit' response. Have you ever set your hand on something that is hot? Our natural instinct is to recoil that hand from the source of the pain, which would be the heat. Pretty spiffy auto protective measure. Pain can also provide us some growth and strength. How do we decipher whether that pain will help us or hurt us? Tricky deal. It is a matter of if the benefit outweighs the cost.
I am in physical pain tonight. We helped a friend ready his kitchen (kind of a restaurant thing and it's a secret location - not telling) by scrubbing walls and vent hoods. My arthritic hands are positively on fire right now. My joints ache and my skin burns. I can tell you without a doubt that the benefit outweighs the cost. My temporary physical pain helped a friend get one step closer to his dream. The emotional gain from that will be more lasting than a day or so of sore hands. Physical pain has a funny way of not totally kicking in right away, thank you adrenaline for saving me from wussing out. Physical pain is an easy an obvious pain to address. It usually goes away shortly.
Emotional pain. There are a couple of forms of this, self-inflicted and that from an outside source. Emotional pain from an outside source is the more simple of the two for most people to figure out. Ex: that person is a real jerk and treats me like crap. The answer is obvious there, right? Um, not always. We seem to be predisposed to a high tolerance of stupid bullshit for some reason. Major design flaw in the human psyche. There is also the outside source of tragedy. Tragedy is losing someone to death, terrible accidents, etc. Tragedy really shouldn't be applied to what is self inflicted, that is called stupidity. While tragic pain can be sudden and swift, we are normally better equipped to deal with that.
While I usually have a lot of physical pain, emotional pain is not as prevalent for me as it once used to be. The vast majority of my emotional pain isn't even about me. That is called self-pity *barf* That is a really wretched quality to have. I am not saying I never have, but more that I have learned how dangerous and damaging it can be. I burned myself a few times with that one. Self-pity is most commonly referred to as depression. Some of you reading this may want to stop reading right now, the realism here is going to be a big blow. Depression is feeling sorry for yourself. Sometimes people don't know why they feel sorry for themselves, but they excuse it and become accustomed to it. It is a vicious cycle of negativity. You tell yourself you can't, it is too much, then my favorite 'I just can't deal with it'. Back it up there, drama downer, you just assigned yourself a free pass to treat yourself like crap. If you are too busy filling your thoughts with how you can't then you definitely aren't trying to find a way to 'can'. It is self-defeating. Why would any of us want to defeat ourselves? We all have our own fake reasons and false justifications to stay right there in that pain that is so familiar. I am sick of seeing 'FML' and 'Why me?' Try some responsibility, it's an uncomfortable feeling. Maybe you fucked your own life and maybe you did something to bring it on yourself. If you can say in clear conscience that you did not, great, if you own some of it, do something about it.
My emotional pain stems mainly from helping others. In a way this makes it a bit of a self inflicted type. It is still about whether the benefit outweighs the cost. People rely on me quite a bit. Many people tell me their problems and ask for advice. Thank you. That is a heartfelt thank you. Thank you for trusting me and for valuing my opinion. I have to say, that feels amazing! Please do not take what I am about to say as that any of it is not welcome. This is a confession about my personal pain. I read people, really well. It's second nature to understand their emotions and relate to their situations. Lately I have had some trouble defining what belongs to me and what belongs to someone else. AKA empathy. It is normal to want to turn to someone, want someone to listen, want someone 'to get it'. Unfortunately, I get it - way too clear. Then I have to try to separate what emotions are mine and what belongs to someone else. It might sound a little silly, but I take too much responsibility sometimes. I am going to have to trust and share with others the way they do with me, just to relieve some it. Wish me luck, I am going to try to jump from the fire and not land smack dab in the middle of the frying pan.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
What's Good for the Goose is Good for the Gosling
Parents know best right? Well, not always. I haven't always made the best choices. None of us makes the right decision all the time. To think that we should live not questioning ourselves or regrets regarding our choices is extremely arrogant. The point is to try to make the best decisions.
There is a recent example that has just crawled right up my craw about this. I will warn you that I am about to be not so nice, so read at your own risk. I am not responsible if you get pissed off. This is about my opinions and views, if they are not in line with yours, fine. If they are in line with yours, fine. Regardless, this is my place to write, expound, philosophize, pose questions and thoughts.
What if you are constantly running to the doctor for everything and I mean EVERYTHING? What kind of example does that set? That will eventually turn a child into a hypochondriac, just like the parent. What if the parent takes a pill for everything? Doesn't that predispose a child to thinking that pills are the answer? Even worse, that pills are safe because they come from a doctor? What if a parent treats themselves for everything and doesn't treat their child for anything? Doesn't that tell the child that their health isn't as important as their parents? Needless to say there is a little someone I am worried about and all of these questions have crossed my mind.
It is pretty risky to take a pill for everything, yet so many seem to think that is the easy answer. I have anxiety - take a pill. I have headaches - take a pill. I have pain - take a pill. I have depression - take a pill. I can't sleep - take a pill. I'm fat - take a pill. How about dealing with it, rather than just masking it with drugs? Anxiety and depression, yep, I dealt with those once upon a time and still do on occasion. Those are things we talk ourselves into though, we can talk ourselves out of it if we chose to. Headaches, try not stressing out (see also anxiety/depression). While all of those nasty brain beaters aren't brought on solely by stress, the majority are. Pain? Let's just say I deal with this one every single day. Visceral pain is a mean bitch. I don't take medication anymore for any of it outside of the rare tylenol. I am not claiming to be tougher than anyone else, I have just learned how detrimental those can be. Can't sleep? Once again, see anxiety/depression and headaches. Try getting off of all the other chemicals and de-stressing. Fat? So what? If you are unhappy about it then get off you tush and do something about it. Stop piling in the food every time you 'can't deal'. The simple and short-term solution is too often a pill and not often enough a real and lasting solution to the problem.
Let me just give you a little insight as to why I feel so strongly about this. At age 29 I had been through medical hell. I survived cancer once, had two traumatic miscarriages, beaten and lived with a damning disease called pancreatitis, survived a heart attack from an extreme allergic reaction to preservatives in the TPN (feeding solution) they put in through the groshon (feeding tube and port ran directly through my heart), had my gallbladder burst inside of me (that has left me extremely disfigured), had perforated ulcers that were bleeding out. I had beaten all of that. Damn near miraculous. I had started having extreme hemorrhagia again. I knew something was desperately wrong when I was passing blood clots the size of bars of soap (pretty terrifying). It happened again, cancer. I was devastated. My uterus, ovaries and cervix were riddled with it. The Doxil from the last time left me feeling like I had nothing in me. There was no way I was going down that road again, not only that, the doctors told me there was no way it could be treated. It all had to be removed and I didn't have a choice. Then came the worse news...pre-op. I had been on prescriptions for everything for almost 10 years, because that is what the doctors told me was best. Turns out, it had started to kill me. My liver function was at 59. Which was well beyond the high normal that the surgeon felt comfortable operating in. I was told that the surgery was necessary, but given my elevated liver levels it was extremely risky. My choice - death or death. *sigh* *big sigh* *bigger sigh* My surgeon agreed to do the surgery and make me womanhood free or complete hysterectomy, however you want to see it. (still one of my biggest regrets, even though I know there was no other option) Check one more off the list that I have survived.
That alone should have been enough to shake me in my shoes and make me see how dangerous prescriptions are. I had given up in a way because my personal life was a mess. It was easy to take the opiates, muscle relaxers, anti-inflammatories and statin reducers. My children had come to know a mom that was always taking something, but still functioning. That scared me. I was a functional addict. Even if it was prescribed to me, my body had become accustomed to them. Then came the second blow...the man I love. We came back into each other's lives at a time when his world was about to be shaken to the core. His Old Man got lymphoma. It was a slim chance of possibility from the prescriptions he was on from another disease. It is damned unfortunate that the odds weren't in his favor. Today is his birthday and has made me think even more about how firmly I stand on this topic. A couple of years ago about this time, I made the conscious decision that I would never put my children or him in the position of losing someone that way. Cold turkey...dear goddess it was painful and difficult. One battle I fought fiercely and happened to win. It was weeks of struggles. In the end, it has all been well worth it.
Children view us as an example who and what to grow up as. They emulate what they see. While children don't know the intricate details of every part of our adult lives, they still know that they are affected. Children are receptive and bright, often beyond what we give them credit for. They don't need us talking to them like they are adults, because they aren't. They simply don't grasp and understand on that level. They do understand that it affects them, so providing them with information in a way they can process is of utmost importance. I, for one, don't want my children to see me popping a pill for everything that ails me. I damn sure don't want them thinking that is the answer for them either. I would rather tell them I hurt like hell everyday and that I struggle with who I am at times, but I REFUSE to pop a pill and be a quitter.
The answer isn't mother's little helper. The answer is dealing with all that I can instead of a prescription band-aid. Sure, there are times when it is okay to treat yourself. I am sick and tired of seeing parents run to the medicine cabinet for all their troubles. Even worse are these drugged up nitwits who wander around in a haze, cry babying about their problems but won't give their child medical treatment because they are too wrapped up in their own bullshit.
Get off the drama and get off the drugs. Life is pretty amazing if you chose to live it, rather than just existing in it.
There is a recent example that has just crawled right up my craw about this. I will warn you that I am about to be not so nice, so read at your own risk. I am not responsible if you get pissed off. This is about my opinions and views, if they are not in line with yours, fine. If they are in line with yours, fine. Regardless, this is my place to write, expound, philosophize, pose questions and thoughts.
What if you are constantly running to the doctor for everything and I mean EVERYTHING? What kind of example does that set? That will eventually turn a child into a hypochondriac, just like the parent. What if the parent takes a pill for everything? Doesn't that predispose a child to thinking that pills are the answer? Even worse, that pills are safe because they come from a doctor? What if a parent treats themselves for everything and doesn't treat their child for anything? Doesn't that tell the child that their health isn't as important as their parents? Needless to say there is a little someone I am worried about and all of these questions have crossed my mind.
It is pretty risky to take a pill for everything, yet so many seem to think that is the easy answer. I have anxiety - take a pill. I have headaches - take a pill. I have pain - take a pill. I have depression - take a pill. I can't sleep - take a pill. I'm fat - take a pill. How about dealing with it, rather than just masking it with drugs? Anxiety and depression, yep, I dealt with those once upon a time and still do on occasion. Those are things we talk ourselves into though, we can talk ourselves out of it if we chose to. Headaches, try not stressing out (see also anxiety/depression). While all of those nasty brain beaters aren't brought on solely by stress, the majority are. Pain? Let's just say I deal with this one every single day. Visceral pain is a mean bitch. I don't take medication anymore for any of it outside of the rare tylenol. I am not claiming to be tougher than anyone else, I have just learned how detrimental those can be. Can't sleep? Once again, see anxiety/depression and headaches. Try getting off of all the other chemicals and de-stressing. Fat? So what? If you are unhappy about it then get off you tush and do something about it. Stop piling in the food every time you 'can't deal'. The simple and short-term solution is too often a pill and not often enough a real and lasting solution to the problem.
Let me just give you a little insight as to why I feel so strongly about this. At age 29 I had been through medical hell. I survived cancer once, had two traumatic miscarriages, beaten and lived with a damning disease called pancreatitis, survived a heart attack from an extreme allergic reaction to preservatives in the TPN (feeding solution) they put in through the groshon (feeding tube and port ran directly through my heart), had my gallbladder burst inside of me (that has left me extremely disfigured), had perforated ulcers that were bleeding out. I had beaten all of that. Damn near miraculous. I had started having extreme hemorrhagia again. I knew something was desperately wrong when I was passing blood clots the size of bars of soap (pretty terrifying). It happened again, cancer. I was devastated. My uterus, ovaries and cervix were riddled with it. The Doxil from the last time left me feeling like I had nothing in me. There was no way I was going down that road again, not only that, the doctors told me there was no way it could be treated. It all had to be removed and I didn't have a choice. Then came the worse news...pre-op. I had been on prescriptions for everything for almost 10 years, because that is what the doctors told me was best. Turns out, it had started to kill me. My liver function was at 59. Which was well beyond the high normal that the surgeon felt comfortable operating in. I was told that the surgery was necessary, but given my elevated liver levels it was extremely risky. My choice - death or death. *sigh* *big sigh* *bigger sigh* My surgeon agreed to do the surgery and make me womanhood free or complete hysterectomy, however you want to see it. (still one of my biggest regrets, even though I know there was no other option) Check one more off the list that I have survived.
That alone should have been enough to shake me in my shoes and make me see how dangerous prescriptions are. I had given up in a way because my personal life was a mess. It was easy to take the opiates, muscle relaxers, anti-inflammatories and statin reducers. My children had come to know a mom that was always taking something, but still functioning. That scared me. I was a functional addict. Even if it was prescribed to me, my body had become accustomed to them. Then came the second blow...the man I love. We came back into each other's lives at a time when his world was about to be shaken to the core. His Old Man got lymphoma. It was a slim chance of possibility from the prescriptions he was on from another disease. It is damned unfortunate that the odds weren't in his favor. Today is his birthday and has made me think even more about how firmly I stand on this topic. A couple of years ago about this time, I made the conscious decision that I would never put my children or him in the position of losing someone that way. Cold turkey...dear goddess it was painful and difficult. One battle I fought fiercely and happened to win. It was weeks of struggles. In the end, it has all been well worth it.
Children view us as an example who and what to grow up as. They emulate what they see. While children don't know the intricate details of every part of our adult lives, they still know that they are affected. Children are receptive and bright, often beyond what we give them credit for. They don't need us talking to them like they are adults, because they aren't. They simply don't grasp and understand on that level. They do understand that it affects them, so providing them with information in a way they can process is of utmost importance. I, for one, don't want my children to see me popping a pill for everything that ails me. I damn sure don't want them thinking that is the answer for them either. I would rather tell them I hurt like hell everyday and that I struggle with who I am at times, but I REFUSE to pop a pill and be a quitter.
The answer isn't mother's little helper. The answer is dealing with all that I can instead of a prescription band-aid. Sure, there are times when it is okay to treat yourself. I am sick and tired of seeing parents run to the medicine cabinet for all their troubles. Even worse are these drugged up nitwits who wander around in a haze, cry babying about their problems but won't give their child medical treatment because they are too wrapped up in their own bullshit.
Get off the drama and get off the drugs. Life is pretty amazing if you chose to live it, rather than just existing in it.
Monday, April 23, 2012
I Know Something You Don't Know
Secrets, we all have them. Sometimes people share their with us, make us confidants. Sometimes we discover someone else's. The question I have today is how and where do we draw the line at what we hold and what we reveal.
I am struggling with this one a lot, I won't lie. many people entrust me with their secrets. I don't go telling people what is not mine to tell. Personal affairs are personal. I certainly wouldn't want someone sharing my personal business with anyone else. There isn't much gray area there for me. If you fight with your significant other and tell me the details, I will not go spreading the word in the street. There are some things that have a pretty clear definition.
What I am interested in looking closer at are the gray areas of secrets. What if I know something about a person that someone is involved with that may be harmful to them? Do I presume that both parties have enacted full disclosure? How do I even begin to approach that without looking like a busy-body? If I have concern, I want to make sure those I care about are protected. So do I risk interfering on their behalf? Does that make me seem concerned in their eyes or like I do not trust them to make their own decisions? (Yeah, that's a lot of questions)
There is a bigger problem out there that I am questioning as well. Legality. This is where most of my questions are. How much am I responsible for as far as knowledge? Say, for instance, that I know someone is committing fraud (purely hypothetical of course) am I to be held for aiding and abetting if I do not contact the authorities? Say I know someone's whereabouts, am I supposed to report that? How much is mine to be diligent about to protect society? If I turn a blind eye, doesn't that make me just as bad as the offender?
Some of these questions came up recently when my ex husband's vehicle got broken into. He called me for advice on how to handle the situation. That showed a mark of maturity for him, as he has been impulsive in the past. He gave me a lot of information that he had heard about who did it and what others were threatening to do. I believe in justice, but not vigilante style. I am pleased to say that he did the right thing and called the authorities the following morning with all he had been told. Getting ripped off is bad, but going to jail for vengeance is even worse. He might not have his radio back, but at least he isn't sitting in a jail cell for thinking he was above the rules.
That is the issue that most who do these kind of things have - thinking they are above the law, or that they are just bending the rules to suit their needs. Then we end up being responsible for holding their secrets. At the end of the day, I am not willing to risk my own hide to save someone else's. Your secret is safe with me, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.
I am struggling with this one a lot, I won't lie. many people entrust me with their secrets. I don't go telling people what is not mine to tell. Personal affairs are personal. I certainly wouldn't want someone sharing my personal business with anyone else. There isn't much gray area there for me. If you fight with your significant other and tell me the details, I will not go spreading the word in the street. There are some things that have a pretty clear definition.
What I am interested in looking closer at are the gray areas of secrets. What if I know something about a person that someone is involved with that may be harmful to them? Do I presume that both parties have enacted full disclosure? How do I even begin to approach that without looking like a busy-body? If I have concern, I want to make sure those I care about are protected. So do I risk interfering on their behalf? Does that make me seem concerned in their eyes or like I do not trust them to make their own decisions? (Yeah, that's a lot of questions)
There is a bigger problem out there that I am questioning as well. Legality. This is where most of my questions are. How much am I responsible for as far as knowledge? Say, for instance, that I know someone is committing fraud (purely hypothetical of course) am I to be held for aiding and abetting if I do not contact the authorities? Say I know someone's whereabouts, am I supposed to report that? How much is mine to be diligent about to protect society? If I turn a blind eye, doesn't that make me just as bad as the offender?
Some of these questions came up recently when my ex husband's vehicle got broken into. He called me for advice on how to handle the situation. That showed a mark of maturity for him, as he has been impulsive in the past. He gave me a lot of information that he had heard about who did it and what others were threatening to do. I believe in justice, but not vigilante style. I am pleased to say that he did the right thing and called the authorities the following morning with all he had been told. Getting ripped off is bad, but going to jail for vengeance is even worse. He might not have his radio back, but at least he isn't sitting in a jail cell for thinking he was above the rules.
That is the issue that most who do these kind of things have - thinking they are above the law, or that they are just bending the rules to suit their needs. Then we end up being responsible for holding their secrets. At the end of the day, I am not willing to risk my own hide to save someone else's. Your secret is safe with me, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Exemplary Truth
Truth, I like it a really lot. I am so focused on the truth that sometimes I forget how easy it is to live outside of it.
I haven't set out to be an example or inspiration of how to be. I have faltered along the way and made some pretty terrible decisions, did things that were wrong or hurtful, I have lied, shucked my responsibility, ignored others wants and needs. None of that sounds like a person to emulate and I definitely wasn't. My attitude and my life started changing significantly about 3 years ago. Things don't change immediately and simultaneously, for me it was small increments that compiled into the me I am now. A me that I am pretty happy about, a me that is doing the best I can, a me that is someone other's find worth in - those are pretty important.
There were two conversations with two different men that really launched me head-first back into this topic again. They deserve the accolade of being called men. Neither one are boys, I find it pretty detestable to call grown men boys and offensive. It makes you and them look immature and childish *end rant* These two men play different roles in my life and I am thankful for both of them.
The first conversation was with a friend, a fellow person of change and a politician. He was an unexpected friend, we were pretty much acquaintances and traveled in some of the same circles, went to the same high school, etc. He started his major change came a couple of years ago (it's his story to tell so I won't even bother trying to relay it) Suffice it to say, he has come a long ways personally and is thankful for the people who helped facilitate it. He seems pretty proud of his personal advancement, he sure isn't alone there. Many of us have watched him change into who he is now and seeing him come into the person he can be is an inspiration. He has some great help too - a daughter that he loves, a woman that supports him and is the best fit possible for him, family that sticks by him and a broad group of friends and believers. The most important person believing in him is him though - that's a tough one folks, believing in yourself. During the course of the conversation this writey/thinky thing I do here was brought up. He says my truth has made four other people take a long hard look in the mirror and put into words their own truth. Let me say, that is some kind of compliment. What makes it more complimentary was that I value his opinion.
The second conversation was with my fiance'. It's not even a conversation so much as a constant dialogue. What can I say about him without sounding like I am gushing? Aw, hell with it, this is about truth. I am not afraid to let any of you know how taken with this man I am. He is also a fellow person of change, has overcome such a great amount of tragedy, triumphed over personal demons, excelled where others would have failed, has amazingly hawt rugged good looks. (Is it obvious I am completely smitten with this man?) He has accomplished quietly. Now he is accomplishing and changing quietly and consistently. Over the past couple of years I have watched him evolve into who he is now. He is calmer, his emotions aren't running him, he is (dare I say it? dare, dare!) happy. Getting to a point where you can be happy is monumental. He has let go of a lot of the self-doubt - not all, but a lot. He has found his own voice, which is remarkable. He doesn't get bossed around at home (except the time I made him go to Urgent Care for having asthma attacks), I never dictate to him and all decisions are made mutually. If he has an opinion, he gives it freely, knowing that it will be taken into consideration. He has given me that in return and I could express my gratitude for that. Finding truth and being able to express that truth has changed his life. As we talked last night, he thanked me for that, for being adamant about truth and honesty. That is the ultimate compliment. The person you love, hell are enamored with, thanking you for helping them change their life. I've got to tell you all that I was stunned.
Why does truth affect others so much? Being transparent seems like my nature at this point. I have been thanked by people for 'being brave' enough to say things just as they are. That makes me a little sad. Truth and bravery aren't symbiotic. Bravery is doing something extraordinary that takes great amounts of courage. Why should any of us be frightened of truth? Truth is not something we should feel like we have to stand up to. It is something to stand up for. If you are ashamed of something or have to hide it, don't do it. If it feels like it is wrong, it is. We talked last night of the motives that people have to lie. The most obvious is that people lie to cover up parts of their life or personality that are less than desirable. We also talked about the motives to tell the truth and be honest. While I can't speak for anyone else, I can tell you what mine is without a doubt. It's pretty simple, prepare to be less than impressed...I want to not feel like a complete asshole at the end of the day. I don't want to waste my time and energy forging a river of deceit (Mad Season reference for all those who don't know, awesome song - listen to it). I want to spend my time knowing that I did what I could instead of sitting on the sidelines yelling at the other players. It's a matter of being responsible. *eyeroll* there's that damn message about personal responsibility again...I help because I would want others to do the same.
While everyone won't see eye to eye with me, I know that the reaction I get to this transparency has been nothing short of miraculous. Just the mere thought that I have had a positive impact on people that I admire so much is enough to keep me walking this path. Here's to another day of not being an asshole.
I haven't set out to be an example or inspiration of how to be. I have faltered along the way and made some pretty terrible decisions, did things that were wrong or hurtful, I have lied, shucked my responsibility, ignored others wants and needs. None of that sounds like a person to emulate and I definitely wasn't. My attitude and my life started changing significantly about 3 years ago. Things don't change immediately and simultaneously, for me it was small increments that compiled into the me I am now. A me that I am pretty happy about, a me that is doing the best I can, a me that is someone other's find worth in - those are pretty important.
There were two conversations with two different men that really launched me head-first back into this topic again. They deserve the accolade of being called men. Neither one are boys, I find it pretty detestable to call grown men boys and offensive. It makes you and them look immature and childish *end rant* These two men play different roles in my life and I am thankful for both of them.
The first conversation was with a friend, a fellow person of change and a politician. He was an unexpected friend, we were pretty much acquaintances and traveled in some of the same circles, went to the same high school, etc. He started his major change came a couple of years ago (it's his story to tell so I won't even bother trying to relay it) Suffice it to say, he has come a long ways personally and is thankful for the people who helped facilitate it. He seems pretty proud of his personal advancement, he sure isn't alone there. Many of us have watched him change into who he is now and seeing him come into the person he can be is an inspiration. He has some great help too - a daughter that he loves, a woman that supports him and is the best fit possible for him, family that sticks by him and a broad group of friends and believers. The most important person believing in him is him though - that's a tough one folks, believing in yourself. During the course of the conversation this writey/thinky thing I do here was brought up. He says my truth has made four other people take a long hard look in the mirror and put into words their own truth. Let me say, that is some kind of compliment. What makes it more complimentary was that I value his opinion.
The second conversation was with my fiance'. It's not even a conversation so much as a constant dialogue. What can I say about him without sounding like I am gushing? Aw, hell with it, this is about truth. I am not afraid to let any of you know how taken with this man I am. He is also a fellow person of change, has overcome such a great amount of tragedy, triumphed over personal demons, excelled where others would have failed, has amazingly hawt rugged good looks. (Is it obvious I am completely smitten with this man?) He has accomplished quietly. Now he is accomplishing and changing quietly and consistently. Over the past couple of years I have watched him evolve into who he is now. He is calmer, his emotions aren't running him, he is (dare I say it? dare, dare!) happy. Getting to a point where you can be happy is monumental. He has let go of a lot of the self-doubt - not all, but a lot. He has found his own voice, which is remarkable. He doesn't get bossed around at home (except the time I made him go to Urgent Care for having asthma attacks), I never dictate to him and all decisions are made mutually. If he has an opinion, he gives it freely, knowing that it will be taken into consideration. He has given me that in return and I could express my gratitude for that. Finding truth and being able to express that truth has changed his life. As we talked last night, he thanked me for that, for being adamant about truth and honesty. That is the ultimate compliment. The person you love, hell are enamored with, thanking you for helping them change their life. I've got to tell you all that I was stunned.
Why does truth affect others so much? Being transparent seems like my nature at this point. I have been thanked by people for 'being brave' enough to say things just as they are. That makes me a little sad. Truth and bravery aren't symbiotic. Bravery is doing something extraordinary that takes great amounts of courage. Why should any of us be frightened of truth? Truth is not something we should feel like we have to stand up to. It is something to stand up for. If you are ashamed of something or have to hide it, don't do it. If it feels like it is wrong, it is. We talked last night of the motives that people have to lie. The most obvious is that people lie to cover up parts of their life or personality that are less than desirable. We also talked about the motives to tell the truth and be honest. While I can't speak for anyone else, I can tell you what mine is without a doubt. It's pretty simple, prepare to be less than impressed...I want to not feel like a complete asshole at the end of the day. I don't want to waste my time and energy forging a river of deceit (Mad Season reference for all those who don't know, awesome song - listen to it). I want to spend my time knowing that I did what I could instead of sitting on the sidelines yelling at the other players. It's a matter of being responsible. *eyeroll* there's that damn message about personal responsibility again...I help because I would want others to do the same.
While everyone won't see eye to eye with me, I know that the reaction I get to this transparency has been nothing short of miraculous. Just the mere thought that I have had a positive impact on people that I admire so much is enough to keep me walking this path. Here's to another day of not being an asshole.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Bandaid
This certainly isn't going to be a post about the group of cheap sluts normally referred to as groupies, glorifying themselves with the name of Bandaids. Random movie reference complete.
Bandaids are a dressing for a wound but really do nothing to help the problem. Protection from dirt? Children sure are fond of them because it's more of a way to say 'look at me'. Bandaids have one major flaw, they keep it clean for a short while, but the boo boo just can't heal it's poor wittle self with one on. (yep, condicention in full force there) They hurt like hell when they are pulled off and just leave the wound a soggy mess of puss and blood. Pretty image huh? Of course, all of this is a preverbal for another problem. It's just nice to have a pleasant visual to focus on. I see people slapping Bandaids on everything, even things that don't require one. Nobody needs one for a paper cut or a scratch, but if you want to look like a real sissy or just need some extra attention, they work splendid.
I have made it absolutely obvious how I feel about truth and personal responsibility. If you have made it this far into this blog without inferring that, clearly all you have done is skimmed through the titles. I won't ever stray for this or apologize for accountability. This is the mandatory disclaimer about not reading if you aren't ready to accept it.
Back to the lecture at hand (um yeah, total white girl quoting Dr. Dre...what of it?) Why would anyone want to cover something up rather than let it heal? There is the aforementioned 'look at me' issue. Some people need others to look at their hurt and acknowledge it. This doesn't make a wound a badge of honor, it makes the person an attention whore. There is trying to keep it clean. That is all well and good, but the wound should be cleansed prior to putting a dressing on it anyway. If it isn't then you are looking straight down a loaded barrel of infection. Here's a concept...what about actually addressing the hurt, cleansing it and letting it heal while being completely exposed? Scary to think of it, but those are the necessary steps.
Bandaids help temporarily, but when left on too long they hinder and delay the healing process. Why would anyone want to hurt longer than they have to? Healing can be painful and irritating. It can leave us scarred, but scars fade after sometime. They never fully disappear and there is a reason for that. Scars are reminders to be wary, the marks of lessons learned. Stop slapping Bandaids over abrasions and start healing. In the end, you will be scarred but smarter.
Bandaids are a dressing for a wound but really do nothing to help the problem. Protection from dirt? Children sure are fond of them because it's more of a way to say 'look at me'. Bandaids have one major flaw, they keep it clean for a short while, but the boo boo just can't heal it's poor wittle self with one on. (yep, condicention in full force there) They hurt like hell when they are pulled off and just leave the wound a soggy mess of puss and blood. Pretty image huh? Of course, all of this is a preverbal for another problem. It's just nice to have a pleasant visual to focus on. I see people slapping Bandaids on everything, even things that don't require one. Nobody needs one for a paper cut or a scratch, but if you want to look like a real sissy or just need some extra attention, they work splendid.
I have made it absolutely obvious how I feel about truth and personal responsibility. If you have made it this far into this blog without inferring that, clearly all you have done is skimmed through the titles. I won't ever stray for this or apologize for accountability. This is the mandatory disclaimer about not reading if you aren't ready to accept it.
Back to the lecture at hand (um yeah, total white girl quoting Dr. Dre...what of it?) Why would anyone want to cover something up rather than let it heal? There is the aforementioned 'look at me' issue. Some people need others to look at their hurt and acknowledge it. This doesn't make a wound a badge of honor, it makes the person an attention whore. There is trying to keep it clean. That is all well and good, but the wound should be cleansed prior to putting a dressing on it anyway. If it isn't then you are looking straight down a loaded barrel of infection. Here's a concept...what about actually addressing the hurt, cleansing it and letting it heal while being completely exposed? Scary to think of it, but those are the necessary steps.
Bandaids help temporarily, but when left on too long they hinder and delay the healing process. Why would anyone want to hurt longer than they have to? Healing can be painful and irritating. It can leave us scarred, but scars fade after sometime. They never fully disappear and there is a reason for that. Scars are reminders to be wary, the marks of lessons learned. Stop slapping Bandaids over abrasions and start healing. In the end, you will be scarred but smarter.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Spreading the Wealth
Dammit, I can't think of some odd topical reference for the title today. It's been one of those days. By the end of today I am sure I will be telling others 'can't brain today'.
The whole recent job revelation and some personal stuff has had me doing that thinky thing that I am so fond of. We have discussed who and how some of the future wealth is going to be distributed. There are things we like to agree on (ok, we don't have much disagreement at all - this is not a contentious relationship) money happens to be one of those areas. We plan on being philanthropic with my business success, why shouldn't we? Greed is such a nasty and putrid trait, not something that either of us plan on participating in. Sure we are going to make certain that our lives are comfortable, but more importantly that means the lives of our children get to be comfortable as well. How amazing is that to be able to say?! It is pretty amazing that we will have a great opportunity like this and that we have time to get prepared for it.
When I am bringing down the 6-7 figures a year (within this decade) that means some wealth spreading to others. The fiance gets to finish up his degree, education is important and we want to display that to our children. He will need it to keep track of all we are going to be doing as well. How about other people in our lives, the ones not in our immediate household, you ponder. Here is where it gets a little dicey. I am thinking I use it for betterment. A donation to the hometown for some needed revival, some to the side of town where we reside to invest in our own community, helping friends grow their businesses and be successful too, providing opportunities for family members. All of those are really exciting propositions. I am struggling a bit with the other part - those who we have chosen to no longer be with.
If any of you know us, you know the stark difference in the relationships with our exes. My ex has made some great strides in bettering himself and making life easier for our children. We communicate almost daily about concerns, events, basically anything to do with children and even things that just affect us personally (after all, anything that affects us does our kids as well) Chad and I are at a point where we are downright friendly with my ex. May I include you in on some honesty? Never and I mean NEVER did I imagine that would be the case. I am rather proud to say how hard all of us have worked to get to this point. It takes a lot of maturity and understanding to be here. This isn't me patting myself on the back, because it takes all three of us to get along like that. It is pretty wonderful that we are so cohesive now, right down to my ex MIL emailing me, texting me and calling me wanting to make plans with us and her future additional grandchild. I am positively blown away how this positive attitude and concern for the children is damn near infectious.
The fiance's ex is all together a different story. I am not going to bash, because it's pretty fucking childish when people do that, but let's just say the communication couldn't be more difficult. We can't even have a civilized conversation because she won't allow it. By that I mean she won't even talk to us in person, at all. It's unfortunate, sad and disrespectful for the child involved there that she is forced into feeling the friction and being put in the middle instead of seeing a good example of how adults can get along for the betterment of the children. All we can do is hope that it changes.
Here is my question...Do I reward the behavior that is being put forth here? At this point (not that I could comprehend that changing) my answer is unequivocally yes. It's this good gets good theory I am working on. We have been given a wealth of compatibility for the sake of the children. We have also been given the antithesis. When the time comes we are going to work with those and for those that work for and with us. Together we decided that we will financially assist one of them and probably be forced into using our finances to not for assistance, but for protection against another. That is pretty heartbreaking. We are going to be denied an opportunity to help someone because they do not want to help themself. I get it, not everyone wants to get along, but I am damn sure not about to reward someone for being about as downright belligerent and uncooperative as possible.
I have rejected offers from the boss to give us the means to protect ourselves now. Just because you have an arsenal doesn't mean you deploy it and expect for peace to happen. How long do I wait to drop the bomb? I really worry about the destruction that would lay at my feet if I sought out to strike someone else down, even if they are trying to do it in my life. Where do I spread the wealth and where do I protect myself? More importantly, when do I? It's pretty unclear sometimes what is right and what is wrong when it comes to wealth. Guess we can't have it all, but I am that eternal optimist who is going to try to keep making it better before I resort to making it worse. Hopefully we will all be celebrating together and be able to claim my success for all of us, then again maybe I am just wishing for Utopia.
The whole recent job revelation and some personal stuff has had me doing that thinky thing that I am so fond of. We have discussed who and how some of the future wealth is going to be distributed. There are things we like to agree on (ok, we don't have much disagreement at all - this is not a contentious relationship) money happens to be one of those areas. We plan on being philanthropic with my business success, why shouldn't we? Greed is such a nasty and putrid trait, not something that either of us plan on participating in. Sure we are going to make certain that our lives are comfortable, but more importantly that means the lives of our children get to be comfortable as well. How amazing is that to be able to say?! It is pretty amazing that we will have a great opportunity like this and that we have time to get prepared for it.
When I am bringing down the 6-7 figures a year (within this decade) that means some wealth spreading to others. The fiance gets to finish up his degree, education is important and we want to display that to our children. He will need it to keep track of all we are going to be doing as well. How about other people in our lives, the ones not in our immediate household, you ponder. Here is where it gets a little dicey. I am thinking I use it for betterment. A donation to the hometown for some needed revival, some to the side of town where we reside to invest in our own community, helping friends grow their businesses and be successful too, providing opportunities for family members. All of those are really exciting propositions. I am struggling a bit with the other part - those who we have chosen to no longer be with.
If any of you know us, you know the stark difference in the relationships with our exes. My ex has made some great strides in bettering himself and making life easier for our children. We communicate almost daily about concerns, events, basically anything to do with children and even things that just affect us personally (after all, anything that affects us does our kids as well) Chad and I are at a point where we are downright friendly with my ex. May I include you in on some honesty? Never and I mean NEVER did I imagine that would be the case. I am rather proud to say how hard all of us have worked to get to this point. It takes a lot of maturity and understanding to be here. This isn't me patting myself on the back, because it takes all three of us to get along like that. It is pretty wonderful that we are so cohesive now, right down to my ex MIL emailing me, texting me and calling me wanting to make plans with us and her future additional grandchild. I am positively blown away how this positive attitude and concern for the children is damn near infectious.
The fiance's ex is all together a different story. I am not going to bash, because it's pretty fucking childish when people do that, but let's just say the communication couldn't be more difficult. We can't even have a civilized conversation because she won't allow it. By that I mean she won't even talk to us in person, at all. It's unfortunate, sad and disrespectful for the child involved there that she is forced into feeling the friction and being put in the middle instead of seeing a good example of how adults can get along for the betterment of the children. All we can do is hope that it changes.
Here is my question...Do I reward the behavior that is being put forth here? At this point (not that I could comprehend that changing) my answer is unequivocally yes. It's this good gets good theory I am working on. We have been given a wealth of compatibility for the sake of the children. We have also been given the antithesis. When the time comes we are going to work with those and for those that work for and with us. Together we decided that we will financially assist one of them and probably be forced into using our finances to not for assistance, but for protection against another. That is pretty heartbreaking. We are going to be denied an opportunity to help someone because they do not want to help themself. I get it, not everyone wants to get along, but I am damn sure not about to reward someone for being about as downright belligerent and uncooperative as possible.
I have rejected offers from the boss to give us the means to protect ourselves now. Just because you have an arsenal doesn't mean you deploy it and expect for peace to happen. How long do I wait to drop the bomb? I really worry about the destruction that would lay at my feet if I sought out to strike someone else down, even if they are trying to do it in my life. Where do I spread the wealth and where do I protect myself? More importantly, when do I? It's pretty unclear sometimes what is right and what is wrong when it comes to wealth. Guess we can't have it all, but I am that eternal optimist who is going to try to keep making it better before I resort to making it worse. Hopefully we will all be celebrating together and be able to claim my success for all of us, then again maybe I am just wishing for Utopia.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Attack of the StayPuft Marshmallow Man
How is that for a crazy title? Ok...not all that outlandish - it's a Ghostbuster's reference in case any of my 7 readers aren't aware.
We watched said movie the other night. The final scene has the Ghostbuster's fighting Zuul. They have to think of what they will fight, hence the title here. Today's post is about projection - again. Recently my intuition and power of projection have been very attuned. Yeah, I realize that sounds completely insane and I really don't care. Let me to some explaining and expounding here.
There are peopel I am silently working very hard on to improve their lives. Then I start expressing out loud, usually to the finace' about what I would like to happen. Within minutes and unprovoked by any other means, it happens. Freaky huh? Here's the thing, I am only wishing for good things. (For those of you who don't know me, or for those that just like to lie about me I will clarify that I don't believe in wishing ill on people) When those good things immediately happen, it is a sort of confirmation that I am on the right path as far as my thinking goes.
At least a couple of those people I could wish ill on and some would say I should. Why though? Why put more hurt out there? Why make problems worse? This definitely does not mean that I have no spine or am unwilling to stand my ground. It is only that wishing harm, hurt or wrong upon others merely serves as a self-inflicted back-hand karma. I believe in the good gets good theory. This is being proven to me by the universe more now than it has ever. I am wishing for good and trying to cooperate with others and it is being returned to me in great affirmations.
Want in on a secret? C'mon...everybody loves a secret ;) This isn't some lame I have a boyfriend secret or what gossip can I spill secret. Those really aren't my style - frankly I am more mature and grounded than that. Today is a pretty big day for me. I am helping my boss and my friend in a big way. Today my support, caring, understanding, commitment and devotion are being returned. This afternoon I am taking the reigns of one of his companies for a couple of months. That is huge! This isn't some small time company that I am talking about either. The man has been successful in the business world, without a doubt. No one gets a 7 figure salary without knowing the ropes. I have just been handed a rope to climb. I am nervous, I am scared and I am undoubtedly capable. I am interested in helping him succeed and likewise he is interested in helping me succeed. Someday when I am running things after he retires (in a few short years) we will both be able to give each other the most sincere of thank yous, because reciprocity is an amazing thing. I am going to give my all and keep wishing others the best. Here's to success for us all!
We watched said movie the other night. The final scene has the Ghostbuster's fighting Zuul. They have to think of what they will fight, hence the title here. Today's post is about projection - again. Recently my intuition and power of projection have been very attuned. Yeah, I realize that sounds completely insane and I really don't care. Let me to some explaining and expounding here.
There are peopel I am silently working very hard on to improve their lives. Then I start expressing out loud, usually to the finace' about what I would like to happen. Within minutes and unprovoked by any other means, it happens. Freaky huh? Here's the thing, I am only wishing for good things. (For those of you who don't know me, or for those that just like to lie about me I will clarify that I don't believe in wishing ill on people) When those good things immediately happen, it is a sort of confirmation that I am on the right path as far as my thinking goes.
At least a couple of those people I could wish ill on and some would say I should. Why though? Why put more hurt out there? Why make problems worse? This definitely does not mean that I have no spine or am unwilling to stand my ground. It is only that wishing harm, hurt or wrong upon others merely serves as a self-inflicted back-hand karma. I believe in the good gets good theory. This is being proven to me by the universe more now than it has ever. I am wishing for good and trying to cooperate with others and it is being returned to me in great affirmations.
Want in on a secret? C'mon...everybody loves a secret ;) This isn't some lame I have a boyfriend secret or what gossip can I spill secret. Those really aren't my style - frankly I am more mature and grounded than that. Today is a pretty big day for me. I am helping my boss and my friend in a big way. Today my support, caring, understanding, commitment and devotion are being returned. This afternoon I am taking the reigns of one of his companies for a couple of months. That is huge! This isn't some small time company that I am talking about either. The man has been successful in the business world, without a doubt. No one gets a 7 figure salary without knowing the ropes. I have just been handed a rope to climb. I am nervous, I am scared and I am undoubtedly capable. I am interested in helping him succeed and likewise he is interested in helping me succeed. Someday when I am running things after he retires (in a few short years) we will both be able to give each other the most sincere of thank yous, because reciprocity is an amazing thing. I am going to give my all and keep wishing others the best. Here's to success for us all!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Bobble Head Syndrome
Do you ever wonder how people can possibly manage to believe their own lies? Sure, there is a bit of inspiration to this entry, but that is just going to be my little secret. Intrigued yet? Yeah, me either. Sometimes I just sit here shaking my head and rolling my eyes. (hence the title)
Lying is an action that every single one of us has participated in. For all of the honesty that I like, there I times I do it too. Do I want to tell my emotional son that his favorite pet has died? Absolutely not! So I tell him the cat is at the vet - that is a lie and I said it. Do I believe that lie myself? Nope. Do I try to make the general public believe that? Um no. That is an individual focused lie. There is one person that I am concealing the truth from. Everyone out there who has children tells them lies, ex: Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, the moral majority is moral, etc.
I am a big proponent of truth in almost all areas of life, especially when it comes to matters of self presentation and in relation to other adults. There are a few reasons for this and I am about to break it down for you. (in my head MC Hammer is dancing and 'breaking it down' right now) Lying will only fool people for so long, then you just end up looking like a fraud. Try getting someone to believe anything you say after you have cried wolf enough times. Lying offends others. Pretty short sentence there huh? That's because it SHOULD be obvious enough, sadly it is not. When you lie to someone else that gives them the feeling that you think they are stupid. No one likes feeling played, that is using people. Lying is a band-aid. Lies cover up a wound with a thin veil that is sticky. Sure, nobody sees that oozing, puss-filled and bloody mess for awhile, but it can't heal covered up like that either. If there is a need to lie and cover things up then there is a problem.
Lies as a cover-up to a problem are the most common. Once again, I am not saying I am innocent here. I lied at one point in my life to cover things up that were wrong. The beautiful part is that I have corrected the wrongs in my life and have amended the problems (also see 'learned my lesson'). If you are lying to yourself and others about a problem then you are doing nothing about it, even worse, you are preventing it from getting better. We have the feelings of guilt and shame for a reason. I have felt guilty and ashamed for things in my life. Each and every time was because I was doing something I shouldn't have been. I have reached a point of growth, maturity and stability in my life that deems I no longer need or want to lie to other people. There isn't shame in my life, I am doing things the right way and treating others as best as I can. Do I always want to do the right thing? Hell no - it means I miss out on a lot of stuff that is self-serving. It also means at the end of the day I don't have much stress and worry about covering my ass.
Most people that I come in contact with feel completely free to give me total honesty. At times, this level of honesty can be shocking. People reveal their truth to me, because I am truthful with them. It is a reciprocation of trust and honesty, which I value greatly. I trust that others are able to handle the truth from me (A Few Good Men clip of Jack Nicholson yelling, 'You can't handle the truth!' Now streaming in digital memory) because it's a matter of respect. That doesn't mean I walk up to random strangers on the street and proclaim to them how awful I feel about leaving my bedroom window open when I was 13 in the winter to air it out after a chimney fire and it getting so cold in there that my pet rat 454 died. It means being genuine with people and not faking that my life is perfect. I don't have to put on my fake smile and greet everyone with sunshine and roses - those people are annoying assholes. I don't hide or lie about things in my life and it makes me more relatable and trustworthy.
Today was a big compliment to me in this area. There is someone in my life who is struggling damn hard with an addiction and personality issue. I am not about to tell you who or give any clues for it is not my business to share or anyone else's to know. What I can say is that they felt comfortable coming to me and discussing it, being open and honest about how it is affecting their life and leaning on me for support and encouragement as they try to better themselves. That's the hard part about lying folks. Sooner or later you have to own up to your lies and mistakes. Not everyone is going to be forgiving and understanding about it. Being forthcoming is a grand and endearing quality. Living a life that is free from clandestine is quite liberating. Til next time, readers...be you, be genuine and own it.
Lying is an action that every single one of us has participated in. For all of the honesty that I like, there I times I do it too. Do I want to tell my emotional son that his favorite pet has died? Absolutely not! So I tell him the cat is at the vet - that is a lie and I said it. Do I believe that lie myself? Nope. Do I try to make the general public believe that? Um no. That is an individual focused lie. There is one person that I am concealing the truth from. Everyone out there who has children tells them lies, ex: Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, the moral majority is moral, etc.
I am a big proponent of truth in almost all areas of life, especially when it comes to matters of self presentation and in relation to other adults. There are a few reasons for this and I am about to break it down for you. (in my head MC Hammer is dancing and 'breaking it down' right now) Lying will only fool people for so long, then you just end up looking like a fraud. Try getting someone to believe anything you say after you have cried wolf enough times. Lying offends others. Pretty short sentence there huh? That's because it SHOULD be obvious enough, sadly it is not. When you lie to someone else that gives them the feeling that you think they are stupid. No one likes feeling played, that is using people. Lying is a band-aid. Lies cover up a wound with a thin veil that is sticky. Sure, nobody sees that oozing, puss-filled and bloody mess for awhile, but it can't heal covered up like that either. If there is a need to lie and cover things up then there is a problem.
Lies as a cover-up to a problem are the most common. Once again, I am not saying I am innocent here. I lied at one point in my life to cover things up that were wrong. The beautiful part is that I have corrected the wrongs in my life and have amended the problems (also see 'learned my lesson'). If you are lying to yourself and others about a problem then you are doing nothing about it, even worse, you are preventing it from getting better. We have the feelings of guilt and shame for a reason. I have felt guilty and ashamed for things in my life. Each and every time was because I was doing something I shouldn't have been. I have reached a point of growth, maturity and stability in my life that deems I no longer need or want to lie to other people. There isn't shame in my life, I am doing things the right way and treating others as best as I can. Do I always want to do the right thing? Hell no - it means I miss out on a lot of stuff that is self-serving. It also means at the end of the day I don't have much stress and worry about covering my ass.
Most people that I come in contact with feel completely free to give me total honesty. At times, this level of honesty can be shocking. People reveal their truth to me, because I am truthful with them. It is a reciprocation of trust and honesty, which I value greatly. I trust that others are able to handle the truth from me (A Few Good Men clip of Jack Nicholson yelling, 'You can't handle the truth!' Now streaming in digital memory) because it's a matter of respect. That doesn't mean I walk up to random strangers on the street and proclaim to them how awful I feel about leaving my bedroom window open when I was 13 in the winter to air it out after a chimney fire and it getting so cold in there that my pet rat 454 died. It means being genuine with people and not faking that my life is perfect. I don't have to put on my fake smile and greet everyone with sunshine and roses - those people are annoying assholes. I don't hide or lie about things in my life and it makes me more relatable and trustworthy.
Today was a big compliment to me in this area. There is someone in my life who is struggling damn hard with an addiction and personality issue. I am not about to tell you who or give any clues for it is not my business to share or anyone else's to know. What I can say is that they felt comfortable coming to me and discussing it, being open and honest about how it is affecting their life and leaning on me for support and encouragement as they try to better themselves. That's the hard part about lying folks. Sooner or later you have to own up to your lies and mistakes. Not everyone is going to be forgiving and understanding about it. Being forthcoming is a grand and endearing quality. Living a life that is free from clandestine is quite liberating. Til next time, readers...be you, be genuine and own it.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Hiatus Interrupted
I have held off of writing for a while now, mostly due to my own extremely busy life these past couple of weeks. This is going to be a brief synopsis and a few hastily thrown together thoughts, it won't be pretty but it's about to get real in this mutha!
I have a lot going on right now, if you aren't immediately aware of all I have going on it's for a reason. When life gets busy or hectic for me I tend to internalize and be very careful about who I include on that. I have gotten engaged in the last couple of weeks, celebrated a really rough birthday for the fiance', said see ya later (no good-byes please) and helped pack/move a woman that is my sister, inherited a cat and buried another cat, dedicated myself to the ever-changing landscape in the yard, prepped for some legal action (I must say I am fully loaded too, buyer beware) most importantly I have spent time with the kids and the man I love. Is that enough for anyone for a couple of weeks?! Oh yeah, there's lots more: A trip to Urgent Care for Chad, all the daily rigors of housework and cooking, spending time with another one of my sister friends, a change in my work schedule and another change in my work schedule and now what happened today - my boss collapsed due to heart issues.
I am very patient woman, giving and understanding but I have reached my limit. Be forewarned any of those that cross my path or cross the path of those I love. I feel backed into a corner. As a human, that makes me a mammal. A mammal means I am an animal. I will tell you that my animalistic nature is about to come out and I have some killer instincts. I am going for the jugular from here on out.
There have been some great strides in my life and I am thankful for that. The change in my relationship status has been wonderful and we are both excited to move ahead with our lives together. Our kids are doing pretty dang well, my son has made some immense improvement that I will gladly share in a later entry. My ex has been very helpful and he has made a great effort towards the children (we all couldn't be happier about that, including him). I have learned the value of fighting today for those I love and care about. I may be patient and kind, but make no mistakes...I love fiercely. So I am going to keep fighting the good fight. See you in the boxing ring!
I have a lot going on right now, if you aren't immediately aware of all I have going on it's for a reason. When life gets busy or hectic for me I tend to internalize and be very careful about who I include on that. I have gotten engaged in the last couple of weeks, celebrated a really rough birthday for the fiance', said see ya later (no good-byes please) and helped pack/move a woman that is my sister, inherited a cat and buried another cat, dedicated myself to the ever-changing landscape in the yard, prepped for some legal action (I must say I am fully loaded too, buyer beware) most importantly I have spent time with the kids and the man I love. Is that enough for anyone for a couple of weeks?! Oh yeah, there's lots more: A trip to Urgent Care for Chad, all the daily rigors of housework and cooking, spending time with another one of my sister friends, a change in my work schedule and another change in my work schedule and now what happened today - my boss collapsed due to heart issues.
I am very patient woman, giving and understanding but I have reached my limit. Be forewarned any of those that cross my path or cross the path of those I love. I feel backed into a corner. As a human, that makes me a mammal. A mammal means I am an animal. I will tell you that my animalistic nature is about to come out and I have some killer instincts. I am going for the jugular from here on out.
There have been some great strides in my life and I am thankful for that. The change in my relationship status has been wonderful and we are both excited to move ahead with our lives together. Our kids are doing pretty dang well, my son has made some immense improvement that I will gladly share in a later entry. My ex has been very helpful and he has made a great effort towards the children (we all couldn't be happier about that, including him). I have learned the value of fighting today for those I love and care about. I may be patient and kind, but make no mistakes...I love fiercely. So I am going to keep fighting the good fight. See you in the boxing ring!
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