Forgive and Forget?

As tempted as I am to write blatantly about my personal life and lay all of it out there, I am going to refrain a while longer. The philosophy/thinky thing has helped me work through things more than exposing my life possibly to people who know nothing about me or, even worse, to people who want to use that for any ill intention.

What I will say about my life right now is that I have been doing some serious spiritual work. I am in the end of Shaktipat and it has been very beneficial for me. One of the gifts I received was the will, desire and power to forgive. Forgiveness isn't exclusive to others. Forgiveness of self is almost harder than forgiving others. So this has left me examining what forgiveness means and why it is so difficult.

Forgiveness is the act of pardoning harm that has been done. Granting clemency for hurt is a very difficult task. To successfully forgive you must let go of the hurt. Why is it so hard to let go of hurt? This is not going to be a popular answer, but let's face it - I don't give two shits about popularity. Letting go of hurt means releasing someone from blame. Absolution - crazy thought, huh? Hurt becomes familiar and comfortable, something we can depend on. In order to forgive we have to find something to replace the void of the hurt.

Blaming someone feels powerful. You have assigned someone guilt (or so you hope). That is a great way to keep them in check, control them, have them under thumb, brow beat them - however you want to classify it, it's all the same by any name. This also applies to ourselves, so taking responsibility for things that have occurred make us more powerful.

Accountability and responsibility (Yep, I am going to beat this message into the ground. If you find it personally offensive, I strongly suggest you never lay eyes on this page again.) We aren't responsible for someone else's actions, only our own. What we are responsible for is how we react and how we let it affect our person. Forgiveness requires taking responsibility for any part of the offense that you could be personally accountable for. (Ex: Jane Doe punched me, I should not have called her a *%#@* or John Doe treated me badly during our relationship, I should not have allowed him to treat me that way and left.)

Acceptance is part of this harrowing process as well. Accept the situation as it was and garner the lesson from it. What has been done is done. The past cannot be changed. What can be changed is how a similar issue is resolved or reacted to the next time it is encountered.

Forgetting? Absolutely unequivocally not! If you forgive the transgression whether it is someone else or yourself, you must hold on to not repeating any of the process to achieve true forgiveness. Forgive and forget don't coincide. Let go of the hurt and the anger, those only continue to harm. The harm that comes from that bitterness is only to yourself. How can one ever find happiness if they are too occupied with hurt, bitterness, hate, anger or any of the other emotions that one clings to when they choose not to forgive.

I have forgiven myself and bettered myself. I forgive others so that I can move forward in my life and dedicate myself to the present and the future. Peace be with you and may you find forgiveness for yourself and others.