Hulking Out

I am a kind of a giant, I don't turn green and unlike Dr. Banner - I am not always angry. In fact, I am rarely angry. Which is why this post is being made. I was recently called an angry person. Want to know how mad it made me? I laughed - audibly and I still am. Being called angry was probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. What makes it so much more laughable was that the person who called me that has never spoken a single solitary word with me, despite being in my presence every week and despite repeated offers to talk.What would qualify someone to think that they could make a determination about my demeanor without ever speaking to me? The answer is self-righteous projection of personal issues that they possess.

Supposedly reading my blog is plenty to decipher what kind of overall personality I have. So let me do some looking through past blogs: Giving up on a lifelong dream - that would make most people angry, never once did I express anger. A passion for gardening and repurposing - ooooohhhh that seems volatile as all get out <end sarcastic tone> How about my admission that I feel unattractive at times? Does that make me angry? No, the emotion you are looking for there is sadness. What about my spiritual quest? Sorry, that isn't angry either. Parenting pieces and philosophies? None of those are angry either. Is it upsetting how people treat their children sometimes? Absolutely. Posts about my disease? No anger at all there, in fact, I am grateful for the opportunity to see things in a different perspective. How about the post where I talk about break up hair? Hmmm...still no anger found there. A lot of my posts are about behaviors and philosophy - any anger there? Those are searching for answers and reasons, exploring thoughts. Angry? Still no. Damn, it seems as though this myth of me being angry is debunked. My posts may be opinionated, direct, honest and lacking the sugar-coating and pandering that some people feel necessary. None of those make me angry though.

The people that truly know me know exactly how calm and even keeled I am. One of my friends refers to me as being her "zen". I rarely cry, panic isn't an option and I am not ruled by my emotions. Logic is my friend. It is difficult to use logic at all if you are emotional and out of control. There is nothing that I find overwhelming or that I simply can't deal with it. That is the secret to being "zen" - treat everything as if it is merely one more challenge to face, a challenge that you will triumph over. I am a firm believer in learning the lessons of life. There is absolutely no reason to be angry. Life is to be learned from, to be embraced, the be celebrated - not to be wasted by being angry. I don't experience the crushing lows, which also means that I don't experience the euphoric highs that come from stepping outside of reality. I am perfectly fine with that. Depression isn't required to be sad, just as euphoria isn't required to be happy. That is bi-polar disorder, not normal emotional process. I am generally a happy person that is thankful for the life I have and that I have triumphed over the adversities of my life.

For someone to project their obvious anger onto my personality is not only sad and pathetic, but just one more sign that this person is not in control of their own life. I left my first marriage because of the anger. Thankfully, my former spouse has grown out of that anger he once had. He is a much better father now, recently graduated with a quality job, the kids love spending time with him, we all work together as a family and I am happy to report that he has a new relationship with a woman who makes him happy. Him being happy and being able to be a good father makes me happy. My own relationship makes me very happy. I am with a man that is helpful, caring, appreciative, funny, intelligent, silly beyond belief, sarcastic, witty charming and all mine. We are expressive about our love, affectionate and share every aspect of our lives. Have I mentioned we are getting married very soon?! What more could a woman ask for?! The absolute highlight of my life is that I have raised 3 wonderful children full of enthusiasm and wonder to all be individuals that are my joy. I know have a fourth child that is my fiancee's "spark" - she radiates energy and liveliness, bringing me as much joy as my very own do. My job is decent. I make enough money to ensure that our family is supported well, with hours and flexibility that accommodate being a mom. My friends are supportive and fun, not just 'good time' friends. We see them often and reciprocate the support and care they give. My gardens are blooming and growing. I am sharing my creativity that is appreciated by many. My house is filled with love and laughter <3 

To the misguided that clearly have no perception on how to gauge emotion - I am not angry. I feel sad for you, but in no way do I have anger. Anger is a wasted emotion that becomes an addiction, just like pity. I am hooked on being happy. We aren't entitled to anger if wrong has been done to us. Anger is only imprisoning yourself and inhibiting joy from coming in. If you wish for me to be angry, you may be waiting a lifetime.

Live happy, live free ~ Andrea