There is the feeling of limbo that has been hanging on for what seems like forever. (pretty eloquent to start out with, bet you will be impressed with this post *sarcasm*) There are people who believe in purgatory, a period of time where your soul is neither alive or moved on - that is where I am right now. Purgatory is meant to be a sort of punishment and a time of reflection for things that need atoned for, a time to rest and gather oneself before finally deciding. This is precisely where I am - somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
I went through a time of heavy emotional upheaval and spiritual growth, most of that has come to rest now. There isn't much growth, just a whole lot of stagnation. I know part of the problem is this analytical and logical standpoint that I approach everything from, beginning with myself. Now that I am set on some goals and focused, growth is shrinking.
Atoning - yeah, there is plenty that I have done in my life that I am not proud of. Which of us really has nothing to regret? The moniker of redemption here is trying to change and not repeat those mistakes...in essence - learning. That leaves a gleaming beacon of hope for me. Maybe there is something new coming on my horizon to learn and expand.
A soul that isn't alive and isn't dead, just existing. I have to admit this existing and droning, doing the same things everyday isn't very fulfilling. I want spark, crave it even. It is time to find something new to pour myself into. There are plenty of things that make me happy, but little time to commit to any of them enough to create a spark enough to set my soul ablaze with passion.
For now, it's purgatory, waiting to pass into the next life. What life is it going to be?
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