Just Dropped in to See What Condition My Condition is In Pt 1

Pardon me, Kenny Rogers (better version by Tinsley Ellis iffn' you like the blues like I do) while I borrow your words. My story/rant isn't the same as in the song - not even close. The words work and that is what makes it :)

As some of you may be aware (others not so much or at all) I have been quite ill for a long time. Not the stuff that I have chronicled previously in this writey/thinky thing I call one of my blogs. It started to be noticeable last summer, right around July and my symptoms were intermittent but increasing. The extreme fatigue which I passed off because I am vehemently opposed to being lazy, just made me think that I had overdone it a time or two...ok so a lot. The gastrointestinal issues are a horror story all their own. To put it lightly - I poop...a lot 20+ times a day every day. Gross huh? Oh just wait the disgusting details are  about to unfold. (If you have a weak constitution please skip to the next paragraph) It is urgent, watery, bile and blood filed. Seriously, what's a girl gotta do to get a solid BM around here?! I haven't held food in since I don't know when. My appetite has simply vanished. Not much fun to make amazingly tasty meals when I don't get to eat them. Then there is the nausea/vomiting that goes along with it. I have lost 50 pounds since December. The week between my colonoscopy and endoscopy I lost 10 pounds.All the muscles in my body lock up on me - in my stomach, the arches of my feet, my back, my stomach, the throat muscles when I yawn and the ever present leg cramps. Then there is the abdominal pain. Pain on my right upper quadrant that is bulged out about an inch farther than my left side. The left side, oh yes - this is where it gets fun. Lower left quadrant had a mass discovered during a ct scan at the ER. It hurts there a lot and has been getting worse, more strange than that is that it is visible where the mass is on the outside of my body. You are thinking a protrusion, right? Wrong...it is actually sunken in where the mass is. Funny thing is: I was not supposed to have anything there. Not funny haha, funny weird. My hair started falling out again really bad as well back in July, that is somewhat under control right now. Painful blood sugar crashes from not being able to retain nutrition and nagging back pain. Sleeping is either hit or miss, not a lot of in between and medications seem to be keeping me off kilter on that still. Then there is the odd swelling in my left foot and ankle. Oh yeah, don't forget the vision changes that really suck too.

That is plenty to send a person to the doctor, but I waited because I didn't have insurance. Paying out of pocket to be treated for pneumonia last August was painful enough. I waited some more because we were in the busy season at work. I waited longer because while my personal schedule is pretty cut and dry, there were other people in my office going through medical issues that needed attention as well so I felt like it was my duty to be solid. We talked at home about me going to the doctor and I pushed it off some more because I knew there was a lot wrong and I was scared. Then about a month ago I finally broke, I was too scared not to go. None of my clothes fit, I can't hold food in and was just generally miserable. I called my doctor as I sat in my office crying with one of my coworkers. We were both worried and knew that it had just went on too long.

The doctor ordered some blood work and sent me to a GI specialist. Blood work is no easy task for me. No joke, all of my veins in my arms are blown out (spend a month in a half in the critical care unit and see how bad they scar up - oh yeah there is the dehydration issue). I got a prescription antacid and was on my way. They made the referral and it was the beginning of the waiting. Two days later I was back at the dr's office again. Still without my appointment for GI specialist and still no results on the blood test. This changed things and put a rush on it. Magically, my tests results showed up while at the visit and it isn't great news. Low platelets and elevated liver enzymes. WTF?! Again?! I don't drink alcohol, rarely drink soda anymore, we eat reasonably and I am active. Where is this coming from? I thought I had done the work I needed to in order to let my liver heal. So this time, antibiotics, anti-nausea medicine and suppositories. Yuck! As if my b-hole didn't feel awful already from the acidic waste being projected out of it. The dr pushed for my GI appointment and I got a call not even 5 minutes after I got home. Got in to see the GI doc a couple of days later - basic intake nothing to get all worked up about. They scheduled a colonoscopy and it was on my way. The following day hemorrhaging. Can I get a break yet?  GI office sends me to the ER and we are scared. It's my daughter's birthday and her talent show. Talk about devastation for me and for her. I am ALWAYS at my kids' functions. More blood work, x-rays and a ct scan. Now let's add some pain-killers to the medication list. *sigh* Now, they moved my colonoscopy up and that was 2 days later. Colonoscopy went and I was down for a couple of days. Heed that no strenuous activity warning they give you LOL! With as many biopsies as they did, some cauterization and removal of things in my colon - overdoing it was bad. The next Wednesday it is off to get the throat scope done. Results of the colonscopy came at that time and now some new problems. 2 days later it is off to get an ultrasound (so I was told) OB/GYN scheduled me to come in for an ultrasound when the lone tech they had was off for the day. WTF?! I will get into this later. I opted not to return there and instead asked my doc to refer me elsewhere. Monday I had and appointment with the GI only to have us mutually come to the conclusion that before jumping the gun on the treatment options. My liver functions/swollen spleen/low platelets are enough to make us want to find out what is causing it. Today, I had my ultrasound finally! Now just waiting on results from that and my additional blood work to see where we go. Although when I was getting blood work done today the vein they went through in my wrist is not infected and causing celluitis in my right hand.

None of the preliminary diagnosis was good and I have heard 15 of them as possibilities if I have heard one. I am scared for me, my family and my friends. My kids are a wreck watching me go through this. My husband and I cry more often than not it seems like. My friends and coworkers are frightened. I am watching two of my other friends go through their own medical struggles right now and I won't lie - my eyes are leaking like sieve most of the time. Not only does my heart break for their pain, but I identify with it. Gone are the days of my steely demeanor and inpenetrable barriers. I love a little more deeply these days, cherish the joy I can find and am learning how to slow down when I need to. Every day that we are living, we are also dying. Trying to focus more on the living is what is keeping me alive. Don't stress the "what ifs" and allow yourself forgiveness for the tasks you can't accomplish on the really rough days.

Seems the biggest lesson maybe isn't patience after all. The biggest lesson was how much love I have had. I have the most wonderful, amazing, incredible support system. To all of you who have been kind, helpful, supportive, loving, caring and just downright concerned - I love you all!

Blessings ~ Andrea