Painful news first, let's be rejoicing by the end of this entry! Painful news is on a couple of fronts - a public acknowledgement from a close acquaintance (someday will be a true friend I am sure, but I am not going to claim friendship with someone if I can't say for certain they consider me that) that they are suffering from the blows of depression. This is so very common and many turn a blind eye to it or dismiss it at someone having the blues. This man, who is somewhat of a public figure, shared his struggles in a very public way. What bravery! To not be ashamed of it, to lay it bare for everyone to see is more admirable than I can express with any sort of fancy wordsmithing. It wasn't just a matter of woe is me from him either, it was being thankful for all those that give him positivity and help him through the day - many of them not even knowing their impact. Here he was hurting and was grateful to others. That is a sign of promise for certain. Knowing is half the battle right? I made a private response to this public admission, reached out and offered friendship, support, understanding and care. This wasn't to pat myself on the back, but to do what I would want anyone else to do.
I have suffered from depression, as most who know me are aware of. Every now and then it is easy to succumb to that again. Some of this negative feelings never truly go away, they just subside for awhile. Hurt is a hard thing to get rid of. The questions of why are always there, sometimes the answer to the why aren't important. What is really important is what we do with the pain, suffering and hurt we are dealt. Right now, I am choosing to listen to others, try to give them a sense of commraderie, give understanding and love. My hope here is that those I give it to choose the same. I am not trying to heal or cure the masses, I just want to help where there is hurt.
Second part of painful: my oldest child is at an impasse, my children are really going through a rough spot and so is their father. My oldest is coming to live with the MC and I on Friday. She finds herself so at odds with her father and his lifestyle that in her own painful words, "just can't take it anymore." While I am overjoyed that she is moving here, it is with great sadness that it comes about. My heart aches to hear from all three of them that they get told, "I am so sick of you and I can't wait until you live with your Mom." Those are words that will be permanently branded into their memory. No child should feel burdensome, unwanted and cast aside. My kids aren't angels, but they aren't terrible either. Sometimes it is hard to see past the behavior of the moment and appreciate the child for their over-all personality. What do I say to heal those words and actions? How do we give a child back her childhood? She is a babysitter at the moment, relegated to a lesser status than her siblings. She is confused and hurt by the stark difference between the two households. While we are very good to all the children (the MC and I) I still worry that they will think less of the other parent because we are good to them. There is a great worry there that we are setting standards and expectations that may not be achieved by the other parent. Overall...I am still taking responsibility and worrying about what isn't mine. I have to quit worrying about what someone else isn't doing and just focus on the good we can do for them.
Sad news - a longtime friend of mine suffered a tremendous loss a week ago. Her house burned down while she was at work and her children were at school. To say this woman has had more than her fair share of disappointment and heartbreak is a vast understatement. She is divorced and for the most part raises her three children on her own, her mom passed from cancer a few years ago, she took custody of her youngest sister when her mom passed, she has family that is relatively absent or just causes trouble for her and now this...the fire. She will get her life back together and move on, she always does. A part of me believes that it will be a much better life. What is truly remarkable has been her attitude. She has struggled to be positive at times, as many of us do. Recently, she had been making an effort to be thankful and have a good perspective. That effort has not went unnoticed and many of us have applauded her for that. This event, while devastating, has given her something new to be positive about - all of those people who love her, care for her and want to help her. She is amazingly strong and will persevere this trial, hopefully she knows of a new kind of love with it.
The good news? A friend has decided to make a huge difference in the hometown. He ran for city council and successfully won his bid for the seat! Sure there was a little encouragement and kick starting from a certain diatribe friendly blogger, but it was impressive that he was willing to enact the changes that need to be made. Public office means being accountable, something that far too many have an issue with. He hasn't shied away from who he was or is. He knows that any mistakes he made were something to grow by and learn from. He owns up to not being perfect. Is there anything else we could ask from a politician? Honesty, from a politician - what a novel idea! The hometown has hit a decline and people are not happy. To take something and make it better is a hard job, but if anyone can do it, it's him.
So life might slow down someday, but I am not ready to trade in the whirlwind of helping others for a place on the couch staring mindlessly at the television yet. Time to keep spreading the love and positivity...off I go
